


through tumbling nebulas like oceans set on fire

by Ford_Ye_Fiji



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I don’t like Sylvia ughhhhh, IE Donna and Shaun, Pain, accidental romance, but it’s like background stuff, i LOVE THE DOCTOR, this is just pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22916215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ford_Ye_Fiji/pseuds/Ford_Ye_Fiji
Summary: Donna remembers in her own way- or really, not at all.She writes a book.
Relationships: Donna Noble/Shaun Temple
Comments: 13
Kudos: 66





	through tumbling nebulas like oceans set on fire

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

"You know, grandfather."

"Eh, yes, Donna?" Wilf looked up from his newspaper carefully, old brows furrowed as he saw his granddaughter staring out into the backyard, almost too still, "What?"

"I think I shall write a book."

Wilf laughed, as if he hadn’t expected that, "A book?"

Donna turned around to face him, brows drawing down and lips pursing with offense, "Oi! What’s so funny about it?"

Wilf chuckled, shaking his head, "No. there’s nothing funny about it, sorry, I just... thought you were going to say something else. I’m sure that whatever book you write will be wonderful."

She nodded her head, feeling a bit out of sorts, "Thats right."

Donna returned to staring out the window, that gaping hole in her again. The terribly massive feeling that she were missing something rather important, but for the life of her she couldn’t remember what it was.

* * *

_"There once was a man older than time. And he was made of starstuff."_

* * *

"Writing a novel? Oh Donna, are you sure you could do such a thing? I mean really, honestly, Donna, you’re nothing but a temp!" 

Donna stormed out of the small cafe, her fists clenched with pure anger and outrage and humiliation. She strode down the street, seething with fury.

She didn’t care what her mother said, she was sure she could do this. In fact, she felt like she  _had_ to do this. Never had she been so sure of something in her life. She needed to write this book. For some reason it almost felt like it was what she had been born to do.

It was a feeling she had heard described so many times she’d grown sick of it. A feeling she had never experienced before in her life: purpose.

Donna's bluster faded as she found herself several blocks away, alone. And without any means of transportation, seeing as how she’d left her mother and, unfortunately, the car. She didn’t want to ride home with her mother anyway. Not right now, at least.

_ "You don’t got much going for ya is what I mean, Donna."_

Donna sighed and turned away, and that is when she collided with the man. He shouted, she shouted- though bellowed is more like, and they both ended up in a heap on the sidewalk.

"Oi!" Donna rubbed her head, "Watch where you’re going, you dumbo!"

"Hey!" The stranger snapped, " _You_ ran into me!"

Donna frowned, pushing herself to her feet, "As if!  You were the one who hit me!" She grudgingly reached down and held out her hand. He glared at it, but pulled himself up, "I seem to remember it differently, ma'am."

Donna scoffed, "Oh don't ma’am me, you big dunce."

She glared at the man she'd run into and immediately felt her face grow hot. He was rather handsome- which was just her luck. The flush, at least, kept her hot and angry, “Well, are you going to apologize or not?"

The man blinked, for some reason staring at her as if he was embarrassed as well, “Ah. Yes well...." he sighed, "Sorry." 

Donna nodded firmly and then for the first time noticed his coffee stained front and the splattered cup on the ground. It was her turn to sigh, "Oh bugger. I’m sorry about your hot drink."

The man glanced down as if he too was noticing his stained front for the first time. He shook his head, "Really, it was nothing. I don’t even  like coffee anyway."

Donna's lips pursed, annoyance deepening. Well now she _really_ felt bad about hitting him, "Oh, but... but your jumper..."

He waved a hand, "I’ll just get a new one."

Right. Now she was a truly horrible person, "Ugh, let me buy you a new one."

He fingered the soggy wet shirt, "Alright. If you insist. I mean, after all, it was _my_ fault." There was a teasing edge in his tone, a sparkle of mischief in his dark eyes that made Donna both annoyed and flustered, "Oi, don't be getting any ideas now. You still ran into me. This is just out of the goodness of my heart."

He nodded, "Oh, of course."

Donna turned on her heel, ready to move on from the weird tumbling feeling in her stomach, "C'mon. I saw a shop just this way."

"Wait, shouldn’t I know who’s buying me a shirt?" He smiled cheekily, "I don’t just go shirt shopping with anyone, you know. I usually save it for the third or fourth date."

Donna rolled her eyes, "Donna Noble. And I'm worried for your dates if you’re talking them shirt shopping."

"Shaun Temple, and no, I don’t make a habit of it. Usually, I take them for coffee."

* * *

_"His skin was sewn with starlight, his freckles made of stars. He was the most terrible thing in the universe and the most wondrous to behold. His name was the prayer on every good creature's lips: a plea for help, a call for aid, a blessing for others. He was a guide and a healer and a warrior and in his heart of hearts the whole universe spun on an axle of time and golden yellow starlight."_

* * *

Donna laughed loudly, almost falling out of her chair, "Really? Why on earth would you do that?" 

Shaun shrugged, half laughing himself, "I don’t know! It seemed appropriate at the time!" 

Donna shook her head, smile wide and full, "Well, no wonder she never came back. I probably wouldn’t either." 

He scoffed as Donna sipped her drink slowly, "Well, fine, now you tell me something. Had any bad dating experiences yourself?" 

Donna snorted into her cup, coughing and choking. Shaun started, patting her back, "Whoa there, sorry! Forget I asked." 

She laughed, wiping her face with her napkin sheepishly, "No, it’s alright... I was just... I was gonna be married a couple years ago."

Shaun's eyes widened, "What, really?" 

She nodded, "His name was Lance. He ran off in the middle of my wedding." She frowned, "I think. Or maybe it was the other way around. Well, I know I was having second thoughts. I really did love him though." She snorted, "Irrationally afraid of spiders. I think there was a real big one once and he was absolutely terrified." She frowned and then shook her head at the muddled memory, "It was all for the best though. He was an arse."

Donna blinked, "Sorry, that wasn’t really a funny story. Bit of a downer." 

Shaun shook his head with disbelief, "Well this Lance sounds a bit crazy." 

"What? Why?" 

Shaun shrugged, not even thinking, "Well, I mean to leave  _you_ high and dry on the wedding aisle." He blinked, seeming to notice what he’d just said, "I- I mean. It was a git move."

Donna hid her red face, staring into her iced drink as if that would hide her flush, "Yeah. A git move. But at least I’ll have a chance to find someone who can actually kill spiders for me." 

Shaun laughed as Donna took another sip, "Well, I could kill spiders for you, if you wanted." 

Donna choked again, spluttering. 

* * *

_"There is sunshine in his bones and galaxies in his veins, he lives on starlight, drinking in the universe. His heartbeats measure the moments of time, the galaxy shines with each breath of his lungs. The whole wide universe, every turn of time, every mystery of every great wide world, are at his very fingertips."_

* * *

Donna flounced out of the house, for the first time in her life, Sylvia's shouts not effecting her in the slightest. Her words bounced like gravel off of her new iron skin. The thick transcript in her hands was ready to be read. Not by her mother, no. She wanted to share it with her grandfather, but she almost couldn’t share it with him yet. Something held her back there, whispering  _not yet_. Not until she published it. 

So Shaun it was. Her _boyfriend_ Shaun. She couldn’t help the happy hum in her heart at that thought. Her boyfriend who loved her very much. 

It didn’t take long for her to get to Shaun's flat. A quick knock and she was inside, greeted by a kiss, which threatened to turn into a much longer kiss. Donna paused, "Oi, none of that yet. I’ve got something." She held up her orange folder. 

Shaun blinked, eyes lighting up, "Your manuscript?"

She nodded excitedly. 

Shaun took it, "For real, Donna?"

"Well of course, you big dumbo. You’ll be the first to read it." 

He smiled widely, cheeks darkening, "Why, I’m honored, Donna." They moved further in and Shaun asked, "Do, ah, do you mind? Only the first page, honest, I just want to see how it is." 

Donna shrugged, "I did give it to you to read it. Be a shame if you didn’t." 

Shaun snorted as he sat down at his small table, "Just trying to be polite, love." 

Donna pulled out the tea, putting on the kettle as he moved towards the table. After it began whistling she poured two cups, gently setting them down. A moment later she added some milk as well and sat across from Shaun who was thoroughly engrossed in the story. 

Donna sipped carefully, something nervous pulling at the pit of her stomach. For some reason she was afraid all of a sudden. She couldn’t even stomach her tea. Her lips curled with disgust and she put the cup back in the saucer with a clank. 

Shaun looked up at the noise. 

Donna bit her lip, "Well, ah, how is it?" 

"Oh, Donna." Shaun shook his head, at a loss for words, his eyes alight with wonder, "It's absolutely  _beautiful_."

* * *

_"He stands over it all, the weight of the worlds spilling though his hands like liquid starlight. All the terrible horrors he faces for the sake of survival, of life. A guardian made from the very cosmos itself. A nameless endless being, made of the bluest blue, who’s unknowable name burns in the very stars themselves, outside of time and space, choosing to spend his life saving an ungrateful universe."_

* * *

Wilf sat on top of the hill, by his dear telescope. He still loved the stars even if he was perhaps keeping watch for something else as well. He finally reached down into the soft paper bag behind him. He pulled a package out of it and carefully began unwrapping, loosing the long string from its careful bow. 

Donna had dropped off a copy of her book. He hadn’t yet had a chance to look at it, but for some reason he was scared. He didn’t know why. It was just a book. His Donna's book. Apparently it was selling rather well.  


He really couldn’t be prouder of her.  


He wiped his wet eyes and pulled the book from its paper package. 

His heart stopped. 

The cover was of the deepest blue he had ever seen. A blue that made his heart soar in remembered awe. He swallowed, and opened the first page, the always lovely smell of new book and fresh paper filling the air. He couldn’t seem to read it. He blinked away the sudden tears, trying desperately to get through it. The first line seemed to scrape his heart raw. 

He pressed his palms to his eyes, lips trembling. 

Oh, his poor, wonderful Donna. 

His breath hitched as he finally calmed, a terrible weight pulling at his heart. 

He cleared his throat and, because it seemed appropriate, he began to read. His voice cracked and he licked his lips beginning again, "There once was a man older than time. And he was made of starstuff." 

The stars twinkled overhead and alone in the dark Wilf read an ancient story to the empty universe above. 

* * *

_ " The story begins in Chiswick, when this creature cut from the cloth of time and filled with starstuff touched the lives of the most ordinary and unremarkable creatures, leaving a trail of starlight in his wake, marking those lucky few he touched with the bright unfathomable color and language of the universe." _

* * *

Sarah Jane Smith hadn’t meant to get so sidetracked at the shops that day. She’d merely been picking up some things for Luke. She’d been window shopping, idly passing her time in the occasional moments of peace in her life. 

That was when she’d seen it. 

The bluest blue in all the worlds. 

Sarah Jane turned, eyes widening and a hand coming to her lips. 

It was only a book. White words on simple blue. 

She had to find out, though. There was _something_ there, she just knew it. She _knew_ it had to be him. In no time at all she’d bought the small novel, thanking the shopkeeper warmly. She settled on a bench outside the shop in the hot sun, curiosity getting the better of her. 

She opened it up, the pages creasing under her fingers. 

Her eyes widened, mouth pulling into a small secretive grin as she read the first few words there upon the page, " _ There once was a man older than time. And he was made of starstuff. _ " 

Sarah Jane beamed, lips moving almost imperceptibly as she read, " _The world is at his feet, the stars are under his skin, and endless time fills in his veins. He doesn’t come down to earth often, only in the most dire of circumstances, but he brings the universe with him, nebulas cascading from his fingertips. And you are very lucky if you ever get to meet him."_

Oh, it  _was_ about the Doctor. 

It had to be. 

Someone had met him and poured out the secrets of his soul onto the very page. She closed the book, tucking it back into the plastic bag. She was sure to continue reading it eventually, but the ache in her heart was growing too strong to ignore. She could feel that old familiar wonder and longing for adventure. 

Not just for adventure, for him. 

The impossible wonderful Doctor. 

Sarah Jane shook her head, wiping at the wetness in her eyes. Her family waited for her. She would read it later, alone in the secret parts of the night, when she usually lay awake staring upwards at the stars, that undefinable ache for something more. 

Perhaps, it would fill the hole there, the hole she was sure pierced the author's heart, and perhaps every companion's, as surely as it did hers. 

* * *

_ " He was unreachable in a way. As unattainable as all the stars in the vast night sky, sparkling constellations woven through every fiber of his being. She could no sooner reach up and keep him down with her than one could tie a comet to the earth. It was better that way, she supposed. He belonged up there in the stars, among them, shining as bright as the Kasterborous constellation. " _

* * *

"Ah, Ma'am." 

Kate snapped the novel shut, "Yes, Captain?" 

"Well, what, er, exactly should we do it about it? Doesn’t it pose a bit of a problem?" 

Kate hummed noncommittally, fingers almost caressing the spine absentmindedly. She stared off, almost as if her mind still lingered in between the pages of the book, still dwelling on its words. 

"Ma'am?" 

She started, "Well, it’s not exactly doing anyone harm, is it?"

"Uh, no, ma'am. I was thinking of Donna Noble, however." 

"Yes, the matter of Miss Noble." Kate nodded, "I didn’t forget, Captain. Perhaps post a few inconspicuous agents around her. And to check her mail, discreetly of course, but only if it’s fan mail. We don’t want a breach of privacy on our hands. We're simply doing this to make sure it isn’t from anyone wishing to contact her about the Doctor." 

Kate rubbed her forehead, "Hiding UNIT's presence from her will be the actual hard part..." she straightened, "Though we could recruit Wilfred Mott, the grandfather. Yes, that’ll work." 

The captain saluted, boot heels clicking, "Of course, Ma'am. I’ll see to such arrangements right away, ma'am." 

Kate Lethbridge-Stewart nodded and waved in clear dismissal. The soldier left, closing the office door firmly behind her. 

Kate picked up the book again, flipping through the pages until she found the right one. Almost guiltily looking around the room, she settled in to read again, eyes wide, lips parted with fascination and wonder. 

She’d been brought up on tales of the Doctor, but some secret longing inside of her could never seem to get enough. 

* * *

_ " He held a great rage, an endless fury, a horrific darkness underneath his star-touched skin. It scared her, frightened her more than she’d admit, but also, somehow, she knew she wasn’t truly afraid. She knew, deep down, that he would stop, because she was there to stop him. Besides, it wasn’t the terrible ice and fire of his anger that she feared the most, it was the sadness. He seemed so magnificent and beautiful that she could almost miss the great endless anguish in his eyes. His too-young face and old ancient eyes that had seen the turn of the universe, the beginning of everything, and the end of time, filled with a vast wondrous heartbreak. An endless woe that she could only hope to help ease for the short time she had with him. She didn’t mind it, but oh, how it broke her heart that she couldn’t cure him of it. What she wouldn’t give for one last real true smile, filled with celestial wonder and bright adoration. "  _

* * *

Amy laughed, "Oh, I _love_ that book!" 

The Doctor poked his head out from under the console, "What book?" 

"The one Rory's reading, Doctor, duh." 

"Oh. Boring!" He went back to his repairs. He was in the middle of pulling his goggles down when Rory spoke, "It’s really not. In fact, I’d say it was written about you, Doctor."

Amy shook her head, "Don’t be silly, Rory. It’s just a metaphor."

"Yeah, a metaphor.  _For the Doctor._ " 

The Doctor sighed and scooted out from under the console. He pushed himself to his feet, nearly tripping over the bundle of wires before righting himself at the last second. He whirled, smile wide, "Alright, where’s the book, Ponds?"

Amy snickered, "Doctor, you’ve got grease on your nose." 

The Doctor scoffed, but pulled a horrendous polka-dotted handkerchief out of his back pocket. Amy nodded when the spot was gone and then, lips pursed, added, "Your hands too."

Rory held out the book when he was done, "Don’t lose my bookmark, I’m almost finished with it." 

The Doctor frowned, taking in the familiar blue color. Rory nodded, "I told Amy it looked exactly like the TARDIS." 

Amy crossed her arms as she leaned back against the railing, "Lots of things look like the TARDIS, Rory."

"Yeah but the title and everything! It’s _got_ to be about him! I mean, what else could it be?" 

The Doctor turned the pages, "Why, what's it called?" 

"Oh, Spaceman and the Runaway Bride." 

"Huh." 

Rory stood up, "Look, look, just go to page, I think eleven." Rory flipped through it and handed it to the Doctor again, "Here, read it aloud. I’m telling you, Amy, this _has_ to be about him." 

The Doctor frowned, but read. He was, after all, not willing to face the wrath of Rory the Roman, " _She had never seen anything like it. He seemed a plethora of contradictions. A creature of fire and ice and rage, the most terrible and beautiful person she’d ever had the pleasure to meet._ " 

Amy snickered, "Ooh, Rory, got something to tell us?"

Rory spluttered, "Amy! Not like that! Its just! Ugh, look, just keep reading." 

The Doctor shook his head, but obeyed, " _She could see the starlight in his bones and endless worlds in his eyes, old timeless eyes in the youngest of faces. An ancient and terrible sadness to them. The woman in the wedding dress looked around the marvelous, wondrous place she found herself in and at the creature of starlight and sun and time and bellowed, 'What the hell is this place?' The strange man of starlight spluttered, 'What? You can't do that. That is, that is physically impossible! How did-' She interrupted him with all the bluster of an angry ginger-“_

Amy murmured to Rory, "You got that right."

"' _Tell me where I am. I demand you tell me right now where am I?'_ "

The Doctor frowned, lips pursing as he stopped, a sort of dread dripping down between his hearts, like ice or the heat of a fire so hot that it burned ice cold. 

Amy snickered, "I like her. She’s fun." 

The Doctor's lips moved, brows furrowing with puzzlement as he read downwards.  


Rory frowned, "Doctor?" 

The Doctor stared sightlessly into the pages as if they contained the secrets of the universe.

Amy was getting worried now, "...Doctor?"

The Doctor snapped the book shut, "Who wrote this? Seriously, where'd you get this?"He sniffed it skeptically. 

Rory shrugged, frowning, "We bought it from a bookstore. It’s a big deal in the science fiction community." 

Amy hummed, a finger tapping her chin, "I think the author only wrote the one book, though. She won the lottery or something." She brightened, "Ah, that’s right. Donna Noble! Do you know her, Doctor?" 

The Doctor had paled, face white as a sheet, eyes suddenly holding that same heartbreaking sorrow the book had described. He swallowed carefully, Adam's apple bobbing as he stared at the mocking dark blue cover. The TARDIS pulsed around them.

The Doctor closed his eyes, fingers tightening around the book, a terrible pain in his voice as he croaked, "Yeah."

Amy and Rory waited, breathless. 

"Once." A weary sigh, "A long time ago... Not anymore though." 

His voice grew almost too soft for them to hear, "Not anymore." 

The Doctor shook himself, breaking the suddenly sad atmosphere, "Well! That was lovely, Ponds, I’ll be sure to pick it up and read it sometime!" He tossed the book to Rory who fumbled it, almost dropping it on the ground as the Doctor darted around the console, "Where too next? Planet of the hats?" 

Amy nodded, mouth dry, "Sure, Raggedy Man. Planet of the hats." 

The Doctor smiled widely at her.

It didn't reach his eyes.

* * *

_"She didn’t think she would ever be able to see him again. But that was alright. He was a creature of the stars, with time woven into his skin and nebulas spiraling around his heart, filled with the deepest of wanderlusts. She was simply glad she had been able to know him the little while she had. It seemed the greatest of gifts to see him and his soul of starlight, if even for a short time, to witness that glorious treasured soul brighter and more beautiful than any sun in the universe..."_

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is here: https://ford-ye-fiji.tumblr.com/


End file.
